We ain’t in Kansas anymore, folks.

It is only SEPTEMBER and this team somehow looks like it stepped through a cracked black mirror and portaled into an alternate fucking dimension. The only logical explanation I can come up with is that I am living in the matrix / Truman Show situation and my simulator is on the fritz. One of my handlers has to unplug the machine and plug it back in or something. Maybe someone kinked my feeding tube (pause?) and now one of my brain headphones doesn’t work. It is officially real Alice in Wonderland hours. You are now entering…..

The Twilight Zone.

*begin reading in old timey trans-Atlantic narrator voice*

The team you thought you knew is gone. Only the ghosts and shadows of training camp’s long forgotten heroes remain. In a world where your only hope comes in the form of a quarterback who was laughed off the field in Minnesota and got meme’d into oblivion. Where once our success was shepherded by JD-6, now our only chance of escaping the wolf’s jaw lies with JJ-9.

Your defense is filled with strangers and stand-ins, but you just won a football game without scoring a touchdown - and somehow you find yourself at the top of the standings in your division. But you had better mind yourself up there, because what comes up must inevitably come down. Down into the swamplands of East Rutherford, New Jersey. A place where ACL’s snap like reeds in the swirling winds. Yes my friend, now you’re right where you need to be. So take a seat, stow your tray tables up, buckle your seatbelt, and prepare yourself for a cross-country flight into….. The Twilight Zone.

*end trans-Atlantic narrator voice* (or don’t I don’t give a shit. Honestly I’m kind of stuck in it myself now)

Couple of items to clean up before we really crack into these crab legs.

1. Brian Burns is out for the year. ACL. By far our best pass rusher this year and I fear one of, if not the*, emotional leaders of our defense. That “heart and soul” role though is seemingly to-be-replaced by Jevon Holland, who has proven himself to be a real dog and still an all-pro safety. That’s huge for us but still tough to lose Spidah Man.

2. Jaxson Dart. Yea, I said I “didn’t think” that Dart’s injury was season ending. I wrote the last post on the night of the Rams game and I was operating off of partial information. Words cannot express how devastated your Oracle is. I thought maybe we’d lose him for a game or two this season for a concussion (ya know, some pussy shit), but I never thought a knee. Just sucks. He wanted to come back in too which kills me. Fuckin love you 6. Rest well and we’ll see you in Valhalla.

   
   

So yeah. Our two best players on either side of the ball are gone for the year. Our secondary is still banged up and seems like a game of whack a mole with new injuries popping up with each defensive series. Jameis can’t move the football at all. And now we’re bringing in “Nine.” The reality of our situation sounds truly unbelievable from even two weeks ago.

And yet here here we are. And ya know what? The Oracle is here to tell you a little something that you may not have yet realized.

We are now completely free.

Everything from here on out - EVERYTHING for the rest of the season - is now just bonus. Extra gravy on the cheese fries. A free refill at the soda stand. Jameis wins a game? What an idiot you are Cam Ward. That’s what Titans fans get for talking shit. If we had lost** that game? “Fuckin good for you Titans we don’t have a quarterback and our entire defense is injured. You feel good about that ‘big win’ tough guy?”

No one expects shit from us, we just lost our best and most important players within 3 weeks of the season starting. So now Harbaugh wants to bring in Nine and kick the tires on a former first round draft pick? Fuck it go crazy! Let’s start Odell in the slot while we’re at it and see if maybe they have some insane chemistry. Sell tickets baby. Free hat day. We’re essentially in the realm of alchemy here. No wrong answers.

And he only cost us a 5th rounder! Can you imagine if he wins a couple games and we hold him hostage on the practice squad next year until someone trades us a 4th for him? Or a player? That’s baseball baby. Let’s run the flea flicker 3 times in a row this week. Until they stop it. Better yet let’s install a flea flicker tight end screen this week (or maybe the next week when we are starting JJ if we lose to the Cardinals). Some real cutting edge stuff. Also Likely is already wearing 9 so he’s going to have to get a new number, and with that I imagine a welcomed chance to restart.

In all seriousness though (most of the above is in jest, asinine even….asiNINE lol), we need Nagy to reach into his Andy Reid bag of tricks and find ways to move the football down the field essentially without involving the quarterback (for as long as Jameis is starting and potentially with JJ too). Jameis can’t seem to, *ehem, “advance, the football,” in any way and his last start for the Giants will probably be on Sunday against the Cardinals. He may be a great locker room guy but cmon now. The football product on the field is simply not there. Speaking of fields we need to get Malachi Fields involved on some sweeps and screen passes. More touches in general for the rookie weapon. I liked what we had with Nabers on a couple of quick slants. More quick release stuff. Single read plays. Hitch and let it go. Let’s get Singletary back involved (why was he inactive btw…..) in the pass game. Pseudo-runs in addition to a heavy dose of Skatt. That’s how we have to do it.

But again, I’m ready to throw the kitchen sink at this season. Harbaugh is a winning coach. He has my sword and my full faith and confidence (until he doesn’t). He’s basically doing this season for free now too. Anything positive that happens from here is just gravy.

The only way we are going to get through this, is by going. THROUGH. This. Are you understanding me? The only way out is through. Skatt ain’t quitting.

Arvell ain’t quitting.

Sisi Mauigoa ain’t quitting. He’ll “die by this shit man.”

And Jevon ain’t quitting. Yes we lost our best pieces, but we still have some ballers out there. It will look better once our offense figures it out - either with Jameis or JJ and it really doesn’t even matter who. We are into the cupcake portion of our schedule and the way this season is going anything could happen.

(Abdul Farter might* be quitting though it seems, but he also might just be too small to be an NFL d lineman this year I fear. Double Big Mac’s this off season. Thibs has already quit btw).

So what’s it going to be, avid reader of Giants Oracle? Are you going to be a sad sack and pack it up, or are you ready to die for this shit with me and Sisi?

What I am offering you is this. You take the blue pill, the season ends now. You start mock drafting and root for a high pick. Rookie development, meaningless spoiler wins. You root for whatever you want.

…

You take the red pill. You stay in wonderland, and see how deep the rabbit hole goes.

-Giants Oracle