Sup. Story time, then funnies at the end. Bear with me.

It was a truly disappointing scene at MetLife on Sunday. I am ashamed to say that The Oracle and his fellow compatriots left the stadium with about 12 minutes left in the game, just after the final Jameis pick of the day (and possibly, as a Giant) ((and possibly possibly, of his career)).

~ Btw no one is fucking reading my shit again. My last post shows ELEVEN (11) views. ELEVEN. Do I suck? I am at least 4 of those to make sure it posted and to check for typos. I have nothing else to say about it but just thought I would mention. Grass roots movement. ~

*Ehem*, anyways, You can say what you want about me leaving early, but it was too ugly to watch anymore - and it was clear that we weren’t going to win. And btw MetLife SUCKS to get home from so we figured let’s beat the rush and end this nightmare. Don’t judge me, you weren’t even there!

It was such a beautiful start too. Gorgeous sunny day, fireball shots in the parking lot, defense shutting them down early, a 10-0 lead….

And then it all went to shit with about 1:30 left in the first half. It was like we started slowly melting and then collapsed altogether and couldn’t pick up the pieces at all. Somehow we let up 34 unanswered points. Turnovers, weak defense, procedure penalties, poor special teams. Astounding, gut-wrenching, losing football. But mostly, bad quarterback play. We had seen enough.

…

But on the train back to Secaucus people started checking their phones. “Fuck it, let’s watch the end” the people said…. “Oh look JJ’s in”…. Hits a deep shot to “CJ” Charlie Jones (he’s our kick returner but was presumably in there bc that’s who JJ has been taking reps with in practice and also Mooney got hurt). Touchdown Giants. 2 point attempt good. Defense finally gets a stop. Ball back. Deep ball Nabers. Touchdown again! Ball back again. Field goal. Ball back with a chance to tie!!!

Buzz. Excitement. Energy. Complimentary football. We look good again.

People from the train all rushed to watch the end of the game at the Secaucus train station bar. I wouldn’t wish that place on my worst enemies.

*Actual image of Secaucus Junction Bar*

(It actually fucking rips tbh)

Despite everything, we were one play away from tying that game (could’ve easily been PI on Likely, shades of Darren Waller at Buffalo on a pass from Tyrone Taylor - boy, we’ve had it rough), and we were one more play from winning it because we for sure would’ve gone for 2 and then JJ is a hero.

A loss is still a loss, and the Saints stink, but the moral of the story here is that it was clear that we weren’t going to win the game with Jameis. We left in the fourth quarter along with 3/4 of the stadium because of it. It was blatantly obvious. And if we could all see it, so too did Coach Harbs. The best part of the game was when JJ was in.

So it’s not hard to understand why we are where we are today - the moment has finally come for JJ McCarthy to be named the starting QB for the New York Football Giants this Sunday against the Texans. And honestly if you trot Jameis out there Sunday, we would 100% for sure lose the game and in my deep dark heart I would accuse the team of tanking after what we have seen from him.

Again, none of us ever thought even 4 weeks ago that we would be in this position that JJ fucking McCarthy would be all that we have to get excited about, but ya know what? I’m willing to roll the dice emotionally and be hurt again. Fuck it - we’re doing alchemy now, remember? Distopian world. And call me crazy (I’m insane) but I am genuinely optimistic that we will see better offense - QB mobility is back on the menu. That’s huge. The playbook is expanded. We wrote the whole thing for Dart in the first place and had to scrap it because Jameis is in a fucking wheelchair against any pressure. His best move is to stumble around like a pinball bouncing off of O linemen until a check down runs free. But now a mobile QB for this offense simply means more conversions on third down, and hopefully fewer 3rd and longs. Enhanced run game. Btw did you see that he can absolutely spin the pill? Let 18 cook baby!!! (Please do not let me regret this).

Also…

HAMMER the over in this game. I don’t care what it is. I DO see our defense bouncing back after getting absolutely embarrassed at home, and beyond that I think they will be energized to a man by having some exciting juice (and hope) on the offensive side of the ball, but I think it’s going to be a shootout in Houston. Even with a suspect Texans team. By the way this will be the second time in 4 weeks that MHJ is up against our secondary. Hopefully we took better notes than he did. Nabers and Likely will have to have huge games for us. They have been excellent. With Mooney (possibly) injured, I expect Fields to get more of those jet sweeps type runs. I don’t know why he hasn’t been a bigger part of the offense last few weeks. Also I believe that Skattebo will be back after his benching….

Which leads me to the pit of today’s cherry:

We are here today to talk about something that has been bubbling under the surface for some time and has now revealed itself in full force. It’s not our steadily declining o line play (including my dear sweet Sisi who had his worst game so far and is becoming less-so my sweetie pie Samoan savior, but he remains so for the time being), it’s not our inability to defend against off-schedule quarterback runs which continues to bite us, and it’s not our quietly dwindling wide receiver depth.

It is the reveal that John Harbaugh is an absolute cutthroat gangster.

*begin reading in wise guy Sicilian mobster underboss voice*

Don Johnny got word that one of our running backs was running his mouth to the papers. Guy’s name was Najee. We brought him into the family business a few months ago to add some muscle to the ground transport side of things.

He was a decent worker - had his assignments for the first few weeks, and the Boss even game him a big opportunity to move up in the depth chart last week. It was tough sledding for Najee, but in the end he fell short of expectations and he wasn’t happy about it. Wouldda been no big deal if he hadn’t gone yapping his mouth about it to the presses…

So the Boss had to have him whacked 48 hours later. Had Joey Schoen drive him out to Weehawken for a “special treatment” at a new “facility”…

He shouldda known after what happened with Odell not to go causing a problem with the papers…

Now the problem is that somebody’s gotta handle the ground game for the Family now that the Najee’s outta the picture. See, we had a pretty good thing going with Cameroné Skatteboochi, but he fucked up a delivery in Washington a couple weeks back that cost the Boss big time, so he got put on ice for a while which gave Najee his shot at the big leagues.

Then there’s Tryone Tracy from Teterboro - he’s been a loyal guy for a while but for whatever reason he just can’t be trusted to produce as a lead guy. He’s not a made man and to be honest, he may never be. Boss likes to keep him around though. Keeps the other guys on their toes.

And last but not there’s little Devin. The fellas call him that on account of cause he’s little. Guy’s been all over the country and has been in the business for a long time. He’s good to have in the mix and can actually be an asset in the air transport game, but he doesn’t have it in him to be anywhere near a lead guy in today’s era.

So now there’s rumors that the Boss is gonna bring in a big problem solver from outta state to take over the ground game. I think that’s all bullshit to get the feds off our back.

If you ask me? The Boss knows what he’s doing. I trust Don Johnny with my life - in fact I owe it to him. He picked me up at my lowest point and has been good to me. I think he knows that Skatteboochi has been the most helpful to the operation when he’s mad, Boss likes to keep a mad dog on a leash for a while before he lets it eat. And boy do I bet he’s pissed now.

And Cameroné has made his apologies - Came to the Don with respect, asked forgiveness, called him Godfather. Plus, he’s selling so much merchandise for the family that there’s absolutely no way they can take him out of operations.

But if there’s one thing you gotta learn in this business, it’s that Don Johnny won’t hesitate to solve a problem if you make one for him. This is his Family. We do things his way. You’re either in, or you’re out. And the only way out is in a box.

-Giants Oracle