Post Draft Rundown: Newton’s Third Law

Guys… we just got WAY better these last few weeks. Not just in the draft either.

This is going to be a quick look into our draft picks (some more in depth than others) and then a brief but important dive into the MAJOR post-draft activity that has since occurred.

[EDITORS NOTE: This is a way longer post than I predicted. But it’s a fun one stay with me.]

Let’s go.

The Elephant in the Room:

Jeremiyah Love did not go to the Giants. He did not get snatched up by the Titans just before us. Many analysts and experts (such as The Oracle) suggested at one point or another (allegedly) that Love was going to fall to the Giants at the 5 pick, but more likely to the Titans at 4. This theory was contingent on a couple of assumptions:

1. The Raiders doing what they were relocated to do (be the WWE of the NFL - “just here for the money”)

2. The Jets picking a star player who they will eventually ruin / trade after 2-5 years of 4 win (max) seasons, per ancient tradition.

3. The Cardinals showing that they are a reputable franchise and this is just a down phase

4. The Titans being the most annoying, perpetually-middling team in the league

Here’s what actually happened:

1. The Raiders did the thing. I’m actually rooting for Mendoza. He is impossible to hate in my eyes unless you’re like a Miami die-hard. Nice kid, I like the underdog thing, and I think the Raiders will absolutely ruin him. Sad, but such is life.

2. The Jets remain the most incompetent franchise to ever exist. Someone needs to investigate Woody “wouldn’t know success if my son achieved it on Xbox live” Johnson for money laundering / tax fraud / human-and-or-drug trafficking. This can’t be a serious team!!! David Bailey is now automatically set up as a “bust” at a 2 pick because there’s just no way you live up to that value in my mind as a d lineman of any kind. They should’ve taken Reese just for the versatility factor at the “edge / lb” position in general to at least cover your ass a little bit. Same elite talent and way more upside with Reese.

   
   

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3. The Cardinals are a four win team or worse this year or I cut off my dick like Picasso.

   
   

   This is truly groundbreaking even for a team picking directly after the jets. I am in the camp that Love is better that Jeanty was/is and will have a better/longer/more successful career in the NFL as an individual player. I believe he was the best player in the draft. All of that granted….

   
   

   THE CARDINALS DO NOT HAVE A FUCKING QUARTERBACK. THEY DONT HAVE AN O LINE. WANNA KNOW HOW THEY HAD THE 3 PICK?? THEY HAD 3 WINS LAST YEAR AND THEN SENT THEIR # 1 OVERALL DRAFT PICK FRANCHISE QB TO SIBERIA!!!!!! THEIR CURRENT STARTING QB IS JACOBY BRISSETT!!!!!

   
   

   No shade to Jacoby but what are we DOING here Cardinals?? This is a “we need to sell tickets and jerseys somehow” move. This is a “we went all in on Kyler Murray and we were wrong and now we’re in hell for all of eternity” move. Their defense was 27th ranked in the league last year with an average of 358 yards allowed per game to opponents. They play an extra game per season now in the NFL now which makes that average even more impressively bad. I imagine they’re trying to Geno-Smith-on-the-Seahawks their way out of the situation here but news flash asshole, if every team could do what Seattle did (moderate success with an experienced and inexpensive veteran qb), then they would. The difference is that the Seahawks were cleary building their already-good defense into a Super Bowl caliber one, and they had a plethora of young weapons at the time for Geno to get the ball to. You guys have MHJ (kind of?) who is mentally crumbling to the impossible weight of living up to his father’s legacy live before our very own eyes, a tight end with a phobia of the end zone (but this is the year in fantasy I swear), and you are complete Swiss cheese at o line, d line, and secondary. This isn’t going to work. Welcome to literal hell. Y’all need Jesus.

   
   

   And thus everything basically exploded for the smooth, supple brains down in Nashville.

   
   

4. At this point in the draft the Titans’ war room must have short circuited. Daboll and Salah’s fat bald heads must have been glowing red hot orbs radiating heat and stress. Someone must have knocked their big gulp Diet Coke over and it fried the whole system. I really think their “safety contingency” if someone traded up for Love before them was to then trade back to 11 and take Carnell Tate (because he would for sure have still been there), but they were so confused after what the Jets and Cardinals did that they panicked and took him at 4. Their plan was clearly “offensive weapon for Cam Ward, then he’ll be good dude, that’s all we’re missing here,” but they would have been wayyyyyyy better off with Love for that because then you can actually help* your young qb who hasn’t shown that he has “got this” for your offense. Unfortunately, Tate wasn’t even the best receiver in the draft and now you still have the issue of “we have to throw the ball with Cam Ward and we have zero run game.” Tough spot.

   
   

# 5 - NYG - Arvell Reese

For my money, the best defensive player in the draft plain and simple. I think he’s going to play more OLB than stand up end for us if that’s even enough of a distinction these days. I think him and Abdul Carter, lined up on opposite sides or even STACKED on the same side is going to unlock both of them. This is a fucking MEAN pass rush that we are building and it only gets better with the free agency moves.

# 10 - NYG - Francis “Sisi” Mauigoa

It sucks that the Cowboys got Caleb Downs and I do think he’s going to hurt us twice per season going forward until the Cowboys mismanage him, but I don’t think it’s the end of the world. Sisi is a monster and whether he plays guard or tackle for us (I think guard first and then he will take over at tackle in future years) he is a MONSTER. He’s not just a fat SEC big body (looking at you Flowers) - he is an athlete. On top of that, he’s SAMOAN. Do you know how badly we have needed a Samoan on the Giants? Just good energy, clear the vibes, and let’s battle to the death with our bare hands while screaming war chants. The “I’ll die by this shit” quote is ICONIC. And it’s exactly the energy we need. We’re all getting laid.

Jerry’s getting old as hell down there in Dallas btw. I can feel his dark magic powers fading. He has lost a step. The “Michael” Parsons debacle was only a symptom of the growing disease. I’m not wishing death on anybody but it’s clear to see his fetid grip on the marionette strings that control the NFC east is slipping….

# 37 - NYG - Colton Hood

Really good cornerback name. Honestly would be an even better safety name (like a “robin-hood” type thing like stealing the ball ya know?) but we take it. “Colton” also has some heft to it. Pause. Gunna keep it a buck here - I know not a damn thing about this guy. What do you think I do research for this shit? You think I’m out here watching film? Studying college tape?? That’s not why you’re here. That’s not why I’m here. But I tell you fuckin’ what, friend - This guy runs a 4.44 forty and played ball in the SEC covering the best receivers in college. Yea, I’m not worried about it. Start him week 1. We move.

# 74 - NYG - Malachi Fields

This one has me actually excited. Everything about this seems like a diamond in the rough mastermind pick. Possible “best receiver in the draft” level of potential here in my eye. The Oracle is basically NCAA - agnostic when it comes to fandom (I grew up in NJ and went to a D3 college with ~2,000 undergrad, you want me to root for Rutgers? I do sometimes I guess…) but I would be lying if I said I don’t root for Notre Dame. The Fighting Irish, the Catholicism, the independent conference thing, I love it. Hate me for it. Go Irish.

All of that aside, Fields is a big-body receiver who can move, and I really believe he could become a game breaker in the NFL. I think he’s going to have an immediate connection with Dart, I think that Dart will be by far the best qb Fields has ever played with, and I think he gets a ton of looks on our already stacked receiver core and works his way up to the TWO spot behind Nabers - possibly as early as this year. I think this is that good of a pick and I am SO jazzed about it. Even the number 74 pick seems lucky. Two good lucky numbers that add up to 11. It seems fated.

# 186 - NYG - Bobby Jamison-Travis

Big D lineman from Auburn, I know nothing about him, I like the hyphenated last name for a DT, and I hope he is good. 🤷‍♂️

More on the DT situation later.

# 192 - NYG - JC Davis

Illinois O lineman….okayyyyyy I like the thought here! Let’s build some DEPTH in the trenches baby! He ain’t go to no fancy big shot football program winnin’ playoff games. He stuck his hand in the dirt for a crowd of 150 people in the middle of nowhere for FOUR YEARS and he’s here to line up across from you and tell you about it. Bring your lunch pail. (this whole bit could have been for virtually any o lineman from a non-sec school. It’s a sixth rounder I’ve got nothing of substance for you here).

# 193 - NYG - Jack Kelly

This one I really like. BYU Linebacker Jack Kelly, name sounds like he’s fresh off the mayflower. Like he just finished a stint with the Dutch East India Trading Company. He’s liable to bust out a sea shanty at any moment and raise a toast to good cheer for the lads. And he was literally captain at BYU to boot. I’m really rooting for ol’ captain Jack here. Can I tell you a secret? This is a green dot guy. A real head for the game, real film junkie type, ya know what I mean? Knows what the offense is planning before they do. Great in interviews too. Get this guy a cowboy coller YESTERDAY also. I hope to see him in the starting rotation and hope he becomes our captain America.

So that was the draft. Overall I think a lot to be happy about….

….

“Do you guys think we fully covered the Dexter Lawrence hole though? Are you sure? Because I feel like maybe we didn’t. I mean yea we got a couple of great defensive pieces here but I feel like maybe if we just got pick up a couple DTs I’ll feel much better, just one maybe two and I’ll be fine…”

-The Giants front office, ostensibly

We then went out and signed free agent DT Leki Fotu (HOU) in order to bolster both our defense line as well as our growing Samoan strength. Do you think they maybe got this guy specifically after drafting Sisi? For practice reps maybe? Iron sharpens iron only a fellow island warrior can challenge me? It’s possible. We then also signed DT Shelby Harris (DEN) who is famous for calling Dak Prescott “a hoe” in a locker room interview. This is the type of shit we NEED in the locker room! This is identity. This is playing with a purpose. This is Harbaugh ball baby. We’re coming for that ass and we’re stepping on throats to get there.

So that’s now a total of (I think) 3 free agent DTs and 1 rookie added to the team in Dexy’s absence. We also got one Samoan powerhouse on the O line directly as a result of letting him go. Objectively our New York Football Giants are better off now, today, (on paper), than we were last season. Healthier, deeper, more skilled, younger, bigger, faster, stronger.

Ranger 2…..detach.

-Giants Oracle