The Jets are Ass: Pre-Season Game 3 Recap

This is going to be the tester / teaser format for the regular season. I think I can “pretty reliably” do a bite-sized and/or immediate reaction post for every game, and then I can still sprinkle in my poetic waxing posts as I feel like it / have something to wax poetically about.

But what does this all mean for you?

“Woaaaahhh two posts in one week?? AND back to back Dark Knight Christopher Nolan references??? Bro The Oracle is fucking BACK dude. Kid’s on fuckin’ FOIRE right now bro. That’s how fuggin Stella got her groove back type-shit bro am I right? Ahuhuh….Yo lemme get uh faughking zyn right quick? You got peppy sixes?”

Calm down, Turt Thurlington from Rye (or similar), basically nothing will change - I’m just going to bug you a lot more with my posts and / or if you’re curious to know my thoughts on a particular Giants game you can always god damn search for this website on the internet.*

*nearly unfindable on Google

Alrighty then. Before we begin I gotta come clean about something - This was the first pre season game that I actually watched wire to wire every snap. I didn’t watch a single live snap of either of the first two games. Lol. But listen I was at weddings (fiancée’s friends’ both times, fucked my whole August) and other such bullshit, and I’m sorry but it just wasn’t something I could do. I did* however watch the YouTube recaps of both games where it cuts out the breaks in between plays and all the tv commercials and it just shows you series after series.

Horrible way to watch a football game btw - you get no sense of game flow. You need to see the reactions in between snaps and the replays in slow mo of what happened / what went right or wrong. I need to see the coach shake his head at a meaningless pre season play because some backup didn’t execute or the qb made the wrong read or whatever. That is all intel. You need to be locked in for this shit and I wasn’t, and for that I apologize. (You all read that last post and thought I was plugged in so you tell me who’s really out to lunch here). It’s still pre-season for us all.

Anyways here is how we’re gunna do this - I show you my notes and then I talk about the ones I like:

*EDITORS NOTE - I hate it. No note pics next time, just the juice. Note pics are getting pay-walled. Available for purchase on my OnlyOracles.

Key Takeaways from the Key Takeaways:

• WR- Odell Beckham Jr. will be rostered in +/- 75% of fantasy leagues by week 3. Let’s watch and see what happpens if you think I’m crazy. He still has the shimmy. He still has elite talent. He seems to be taking care of his body and not putting himself in positions to get lit up on a catch. One particular play that jumped out to me was in the second quarter - the series after Braxton Berrios fumbled (BAD game out of wingardium Berriosa) - Odell caught a back shoulder ball at like the 7 yard line as he was basically sitting himself down on the turf to be touched down as opposed to trying to stay up. Not looking to try to score in a meaningless game, not risking getting popped in a vulnerable position and being peanut punched EXACTLY like Berrios did in basically the same spot on the series before, just a savvy vet who knows how to make plays and keep himself in the game while he does it! What a concept for the G-Men!

  
  

  He is going to be part of the reason that Dart successfully has a second year jump into stardom as opposed to a second year rookie regression. He is not the CTE diva that he once was, he seems humble and “grateful for the opportunity to make the team,” and is here essentially for his swan song in my eye and not because he wants to be a big throw-me-the-ball diva wr star (I hope).

  
  

  He also had a little Michael Jackson leg-kick-shimmy first down celebration after a nice reception on a deep cross at our own like 40 yard line. I don’t even think he finished that series. Say what you will about Odell but when he is doing that whole androgynous Michael Jackson dancing shit, it means good things are happening. Just stay away from the kicking net and we’re fine.

• DT - Roy Robertson Harris (“RRH”) got dummied tonight. Interior D-lineman number 95. They kept calling him out on the broadcast too and then they would show the replays and it really wasn’t pretty. He got completely removed from the interior on far to many run plays - washed down to the fucking sideline. Not good! On the flip side I liked what I saw out of fellow 3-letter-nicknamed lineman DT - Bobby Jamison-Travis (BJT) - rookie draft pick out of Auburn, you remember my draft recap don’t you?? Looks like we hit on this kid after all. Good reps in the second half for whatever that’s worth at least. Good sack celly too keep an eye out for it.

  
  

• P - Jordan Stout. I’m gunna cum. I’m sorry I try to keep it pg on this site but I’m gunna fucking nut. This son of a bitch is the best punter I’ve ever fucking seen. Fuck you, and worse yet - fuck ME! He’s going to make me re-think that Jeff Feagles tattoo I’ve always wanted!! We’re going to win FOOTBALL GAMES because of this motherfucker. YOU WATCH!!! YOU WILL ALLLLLLL SEE!!! AHHAHAHAHAA!!!!!

Ehem, my apologies….it seems…. It seems I’ve come undone…..forgive me.

• Oof, preeetty good game outta RB - Najee Harris there, don’t ya think Tyrone Tracy?? Yeesh! What an awkward situation. I saw Najee was also chopping it up on the sideline with a couple of the vets, smiling and laughing after they took him out for the game. Guy’s only been here a week and he’s already chumming it up with your boys? Do you think Tracy must hate him? The Oracle thinks it certainly can’t help him sleep at night. National Champ, Nick Saban-coached, Najee Harris? Multiple thousand-yard-season-in-the-NFL, Najee? Vs. Tracy, who lost the wide-open starting job to a rookie last year and went to fuckin’ Purdue dude? Yikes!! Now to be fair, Tracy had a few good runs before his injury but WOOF - that boy Najee looks big and strong and makes good cuts up the field. Delivers quite a load (pause - still riled up about Stout I guess) on any would-be tackler in the secondary. Tracy simply ain’t have that club in his bag, I fear. And he ain’t Skatt, and he ain’t a small savvy receiver back like Motor. So… what to do with you, Tyrone?

  
  

  I’ll tell you one thing - we can for sure as shit cut RB - Eric Gray, a fourth or fifth round Giants draftee out of Oklahoma (I googled it, and I’m correct - stay hot Oracle) who has contributed ZERO to the offense since he joined the team THREE seasons ago. The only time I ever talk about him seems to be pre season. I was excited about him when we drafted him and I have wanted him to get more looks but for whatever reason he does not and if it’s up to me (which isn’t), then at this point I much prefer what I saw out of “Bankston” aka RB - Damon Bankston.

Buckle up kids I’m switching lanes out of bullet point format for this one.

This guy Bankston ran a 4.40 forty at the combine. The reason I don’t know him is because he is an undrafted rookie - 5’ 10” 186 lbs. Comes out of “The University of New Mexico” (?) Never heard of it, literally. (Sounds prestigious). 11 carries for 62 yards tonight - more yards than any other back on our team by 20+ total yards on equal carries (Harris: 11, Gray: 12, Tracy: 4 before injury). I’m not gunna get *too excited because all of those touches were in the third and fourth quarter, but this fucker might be Darren Sproles in disguise. I think we’re gunna have him returning kicks and rb 4 / if there are any injuries to rb 1-3 but I LIKED what I SAW out of the kid.

• Final note: K - Dominic Zvada is automatic. He hit from 23, 46, and FIFTY THREE straight through no worries. Two extra points as well. Ice cold in his veins out there while he does it. Looks like a vampire honestly. “Zvada” is a Count Chocula Transylvania ass name if I’ve ever heard it, so it might be true. Personally I’ve only ever seen him play at night. Let’s just keep an eye on all that while we’re at it.

  
  

  But you know what? That’s precisely what I need on my kicking unit - Someone who is emotionally a corpse inside. By the way, fuck-ass, this Michigan-man freak is chip-shotting his kick offs to land at the 2-4 yard line consistently, and it seems like the coverage team has a plan around that happening. Ya know, almost like how an elite unit is supposed to look(!!!). Pack your bags Ben Sauls.

That’s it on pre-season. If there are any surprises or notable goings-on from the final 53 roster on Sunday and/or the following week’s waiver wire, I’ll be in touch. For now, it’s all eyes on Dallas.

-Giants Oracle